And So this is Christmas...

New Years approaches, and I am hoping that this year is just as good as last, minus the few hiccups it had. I want so much to go out and have fun on New Years Eve. I want the new year, to be healthy, happy, fun, and exciting. It is my last semester as a student and I so much want to live it up by going out more and not being serious. For the new year, I am promising myself that I won't let anyone get to me, I won't let sorority get to me, I will have fun with it all, because its the LAST time as a student....

It is sad really. I remember walking into my Simpson dorm room...it was bare and scary..this was my next step. I obvi took the bottom bunk...I was first :) Then unpacked my childhood into a place where I was now an adult. That year launched me into a spiraling cyclone of fun and outlandish behavior. I want my last semester to just as fun. I want to have Wings night, and Funk weekends, and go to bars in Wrigley and not worry about growing up...because we don't have much longer. We soon cannot be doing these things like we can now...so I want to live it up and live to the fullest...while not letting anyone's attitude, mood or rotten outlook get to me...it won't have time to reach me because I will be having too much fun to think about anything but being happy :)

I hope everyone can just let go this year, breath in, and jump in...and actually mean it. Not say they will do things, and then flake or back out. Everyone has a lot on their minds but really..nothing is as stressful as one makes it...and no one has that much homework they can't go out...drinks or no drinks involved. Being home has been reviving. I feel more alive. Before I came home I felt alone and like a stranger in my own home, for a few weeks. I want to return and not feel like that anymore. I won't feel like that again. I won't let anything make me feel anything but happy.

New Years with Tim, Tony, Amy, and their friends from home..maybs I know them...either way....5 hours drinks? i can say right now...shitshow shitshow shitshow times.

caught.

I caught myself,
I caught myself from falling into what you want me to be
I can longer be what you want
when I hardly know who I am

I push and pull in different directions
My head spins
My heart never wins

I am going down a one way street
falling to my feet
not in defeat.

I caught myself
I caught myself from believing I was what I wanted to be
I will no longer be what you want
because I will just be me.

wild & free,
♥ lora lee ♥

A sleepless night awakens me
I toss and turn
My feelings burn
Too dark out to see.

My dreams are vivid and fast
Life moving painfully slow.
I look up from down below,
Wanting something like this to last.

Caffeine is my dream's worst enemy,
Coffee is peace's foe.
Free falling from the tops of trees,
I'm ready, steady, go.

I look out the window for satisfaction,
Bundling up so my blankets cover.
I count the stars that hide the sun,
Wishing I had warmth from another.

The clock's hand shows tomorrow is not far away,
Full of promise and whimsical adventures,
I close my eyes and finally lay
Sleeping and dreaming of my lost treasures.

frozen rain.

The moon is on the rise,
wide awake
laying in your arms
listening to your lies.

City life full of dreams
everything is nothing
nothing is what it seems,
everyone schemes.

I catch a snowflake on my lash
they are not unique, just the same
Like all the rest, they melt away,
fade and never stay.

Cold and shivering
I hold on.
Finally at peace,
I release.


(sidenote: London, Chicago, San Diego, back home..what to do what to do....)

I have decided to get back into photography.

I miss it.

"Camera in Hand"

I want to travel the world with a camera in my hand,
I want to take pictures of mysterious foreign lands.
I want to change a mind with every picture that I take,
I want to put a smile on an interesting stranger's face.

I want to travel the world with a camera in my hand,
I want to travel the world without a single plans,
I want to create memories with every snap of the flash,
I want to be an inspiration and be a legend of the past.

I want to capture magical moments with every click of my lens,
I want to turn stranger's faces into passing friends.
I will travel the world with a camera in my hand.
I will take pictures of mysterious foreign lands.
I will live a life, that I was born to lead.
I will make all my dreams come true. I will indeed.

I write because it is what I do when I feel. I need to release happiness, loss, sadness, hope, love, dreams, etc. I also write when I am inspired to do so. Some poems, short stories, lyrics, and random thoughts, are just a way of releasing an emotion. One can never analyze and define what certain things mean or symbolize. Just take it as a piece of art. Take it as something of written beauty. Take it as it is......just words.

Times were simpler in the past,
When people smiled because they could
When people were honest
When love would last.

Times were simpler when the days were long
When the nights moved too fast
When our glasses were never empty
When our cigarettes were almost gone.

Times were simpler when we had no care
When we jumped on our beds
When truth was not an option
When we always chose the dare.

Times were simpler when secrets were kept
When weekends we slept
When we were always in the dark
When we could carelessly play in the park.

Times are not so simple as we age
The more I am here, the more I am caged.
But times are still simple for me
I just want to help those who can't see.

That this is the way life is meant to be:

innocent and carefree.

<3

ready steady....GO

Staying here is just not for me
Its not meant be.
Of course there is no guarantee
But I'm gonna jump in and see.
Im gonna finally be free.

I can't be stuck in a town,
Caught up in itself
I need to be surrounded by creativity
It helps me breath.

Living fast and free?
Better than ready, steady.
Moving on place to place,
It is all in my big plan of revelry.

I got my passport,
A head full of ideas
I got my pen in hand
Inspiration is my only demand.

I think of where I'll be in a year,
in all honesty its my biggest fear.
I just moved into to my summer place
full of endless summer nights, endless summer days.

I don't want to think of leaving it,
packing up and boxing it away
This place was the perfect fit
This place was my place to play...

Now Im told to plan my future,
get a job
have direction.
But you all know I can't even find north, south east or west....

I want to live life every day,
I want to be somebody.
I want to leave everything behind,
I want to go my own way.

So, don't tell me you get me, when you bring me down
Don't tell me you have big plans, when yours are constantly changing,
Don't tell me you want to do the same, then throw money back in my face.
Come May, I will be done with this place.

I need to roam and be lost
I need to write what I see
I don't care about the cost,
Damn, just let me fucking be.

Cause whats a girl to do, when all she wants to do, is be reckless and relentless and carefree?



peace, love, and helter skelter.

Went to bed at 6 AM
Waking up a 3 PM
Reckless, Ridiculous, the ultimate sin.

Piecing together the past and present
People say out of control
I will not apologize, will not repent.

Searching to be sought
Reaching to be reached
Falling to be caught

I am bright eyed
I am alive.
I lied.

I am pretty strong,
I am pretty tough,
Though I do fall,
I don't break easily.

I don't say sorry,
I don't say please
Manners are useless
In a world that doesn't care

Praying is too hard for me
I feel ashamed for almost attempting it
I pray to music now
I can't get to church, I'm not a good girl.

Smiling is easy to do
Meaning it is the difficult thing to prove.
Falling in love is easy to do
But its never permanent; its not a tattoo.

I'm no stranger to danger
I seek the thrill
I love the chase.
I breath in,
I swallow the pill.

A winter city,
dark and numb
I run through the streets,
fast and free.
I suddenly feel alive.

Passing people by,
Wondering who they belong to,
Wondering if they are alone
I make up stories for the strangers I see.

Night time out and no one is afraid
No one cares about the wait
Gin n tonic, a casual convo
Cigarettes and coffee always taste great.

Losing concentration and focus
Holding on by a string
I want so much to be transported
Closing my eyes I can hear Dylan sing.

Soon I will be on a terrace in the Quarter
Or in a coffeeshop in the Village,
Painting like Pollack
Free like Skynard.
Living my life as legends have lived.

I sometimes go to my own little world.

It's okay.

They know me there.

My world is sundrenched. 

I used to fall asleep to dream

Of magic and of mischief things.

Sleeping is no longer what it used to be.

I no longer sleep to dream.

I sometimes think about the future.

Life is a hard game. I'm stuck.

I can't think of my next move.

Childhood livin' is easy to do.

Alone and lonely are sometimes confused.

Both can cause you to sing the blues.

Which one do you fall into?

And in between I drink black coffee.

Seasons change and turn cold

Another year about to unfold

Can we handle the change to come?

Oh yes..a change is gonna come. 

fiona was right.

I tell you how I feel
But you don't care
I say tell me the truth
But you don't dare
You say love is a hell
You cannot bear
And I say gimme mine
Back and then go there
For all I care
I got my feet
On the ground
And I don't go to
Sleep to dream
You got your head
In the clouds
And you're not at
All what you seem
This mind, this body
And this voice cannot be
Stifled by your deviant ways
So don't forget what I told you
Don't come around
I got my own hell to raise

I have never been
So insulted in all my life
I could swallow the seas
To wash down all this pride
First you run like a fool
Just to be at my side
And now you run like a fool
But you just run to hide
And I can't abide

I got my feet
On the ground
And I don't go
To sleep to dream
You got your head
In the clouds and
You're not at all
What you seem
This mind, this body
And this voice cannot be
Stifled by your deviant ways
So don't forget what I told you
Don't come around
I got my own hell to raise

Don't make it a big deal
Don't be so sensitive
We're not playing
A game anymore
You don't have
To be so defensive
Don't you plead me your case
Don't bother to explain
Don't even show me your face
'Cause it's a crying shame
Just go back to the rock
From under which you came
Take the sorrow you gave
And all the stakes you claim
And don't forget the blame

I got my feet
On the ground
And I don't go
To sleep to dream
You got your head
In the clouds and
You're not at all
What you seem
This mind, this body
And this voice cannot be
Stifled by your deviant ways
So don't forget
What I told you
Don't come around
I got my own hell to raise

blank canvas.

hmm I literally have no thoughts for this blog. I am thoughtless, because I feel nothing right now...no excitement, no anger, no sadness, no love, no loss, no happiness, no hope, nothing.


I need something exciting to happen in my life or for someone to enter my life and turn my world up side down....

"the idea of waiting for something makes it more exciting" -andy warhol

i wonder if that is true.
**********************************************

blank canvas.

I look at this canvas and it is blank,
white and empty
stark and dry.

I could write my feelings,
paint my desires,
speak of those I admire...

but itd all be a lie.

I have nothing to say,
for once I am speechless,
I'd make it a new day,
if I had my way.

But until the sun shines again,
Until I no longer am void of expression....
I must carry on,
singing my song,
and never forget that....


I am loved
I belong
I wasn't wrong.

nope.

take it back.




FUCKING HATE BABY BLUE.

CHEERS TO:

me running 10.5 miles in 1 hour 31 minutes!!

alex polk's birthday.

Feeling good about my situation because I am so over it, baby blue.

Not caring that it is 45 degrees outside and I wear shorts WITH tights...no I will not let the winter have a say in my fashion choices.

Halloween.

boots.

leaf piles.

Running in the rain.

bud light lime.

poem revised

Us Girls.

Us girls like to fly so high we leave the sky,
Us girls like to be free and detached
Us girls put up a fight
Us girls stay out into the early daylight.....

Us girls are strong inside and out
Us girls smile over pout,
Us girls leave as fast as they arrive
Us girls want to escape in a car and drive....

Us girls color our own hair in the sink
Us girls like our gin and tequila to drink,
Us girls prefer dark hair and dark eyes
Us girls try and try

Us girls fall for liars
Us girls decide to set the world on fire.

Us girls dream of bigger and better places
Us girls never unpack our suitcases
Us girls wear too many accessories
Us girls play and swing beneath the trees.

Us girls have fun wherever we go,
Us girls love the summer sun but wish for winter’s snow
Us girls choose to stay up all night
Us girls don’t have the guts to put up a fight.

Us girls are optimistic with others
Us girls are pessimistic with our lovers
Us girls make more mistakes when we're asked to choose
Us girls are too stubborn to lose.

Us girls never are wrong
Us girls love to sing aloud to the sad songs
Us girls have absolutely no clue
Us girls loudly sing the blues.

Us girls look for the right sign
Us girls never seem find the right one to “be mine.”
Us girls spend too much money on clothes and booze
Us girls always hit snooze.

Us girls are strong,
Us girls are stable,
Us girls might not win at beer pong,
But us girls will dance on the pong table.

And even though we are a mess,
And even though we may not have a care
We never pick the truth.
Its always DARE.

When I'm at the pearly gates...

This is one for the good days...I have it all here....

Out of control on videotape.

This is my last afternoon here in Kansas City. I will miss it but I think I realized that unless I am surrounded by family or friends I don't like it here. I have outgrown it in so many ways. I am too fashion forward, as I recently found out, I am too much of a liberal thinker, I am too big of a dreamer for this place and I need a city that can challenge me, not cradle me.

This week is midterms week. I have a lot of articles to write, a lot of days to work and a lot of work at the internship. I hope no one goes home this fall break because I want to play.

I am returning to Chicago with a smile on my face. I think I was forgetting how awesome chi town is since I was there for 4 months without a vacay. Now I never want to leave. I entered KC and stepped off the plane wearing my suspender skirt and bright purple LOVE top and some boots. I got so many looks. "Hi my name is Lora and I wear awesome clothes and I live in an awesome city. Get over it hillbilles! I will not be sorry for not wearing KC Chiefs tshirts and faded denim."

:) oh kcmo how much you don't even know.

I went to Westport on Friday with the brothers. Wow. How much it has changed. It was just congested with Independence rednecks and gangbangers. awesome. I didn't judge, I was just concerned for my life. Wouldn't you be since a 22 year old was murdered there 2 weeks ago? yes.

The concert was cool and I hung out with my brothers friends which was fun too. But I again wore something that made me standout in the crowd. Ugh. Everyone there had their sig other, and the fam left me with people I didn't know. So I did what I do best...made friends. One girl is now my bestie and she wants to visit Chicago soon. Hey Lori Hey.

This week I am focusing on myself. Homework, work, and interning...then its break time. This weekend will be a shit show and I am bringing everyone along. I will be drinking, I will be probs falling in the street (don't worry momo gave me my purple bracelet) and I will be making friends. I don't care that I may appear crazy....judge all you want....news flash I dont give a fuck.

Us Girls
by: me.


Lets cheer to being young, free, and detached.

Because lets face it...

Us girls aren't the type of girls that want to be tied down.

Us girls like to fly and leave the skies

Us girls get tattoos and listen to the blues.

Us girls color our own hair in the sink

Us girls choose gin and tequila as our drink.

Us girls are forces to be reckoned with, you see.

Us girls's hearts are closed and can only be opened with one key

Us girls go out too much and fall for liars

Us girls are superstars who will set the world on fire.







peace, love and hippie vibes,
lo.

Street Wise.

On my walk home today, I decided to stop on Maple and Dearborn in order to get an interview from a Streetwise vendor for my profile piece due next week. I approached him as he was leaving, introduced myself and he kindly obliged to sit and talk with me on the curb. Don Smith is "The Mayor of Dearborn." He is there 4 days a week selling papers, to ensure he stays clean and right. After speaking with this man who hsas gone through so much in his life, I felt selfish. I felt wrong for feeling sad or lonely or mad at people or school. I am so lucky to be where I am, have the friends that I have, and have my family. I am so happy that I can go home to a place everyday and write on my new MacAir or eat at a nice restaurant. I never buy Streetwise or even acknowledge the sellers sometimes. Mostly I smile and keep walking with my IPOD in my ears playing me sad songs that make me think and evaluate my life as I traverse the concrete jungle. After speaking with this man, who was the most sincere and honest person I have spoken to in a long time, I realized that I am a selfish person for feeling sad about things and for pretending that the worse thing in the world is when someone doesn't call back, etc. In this world, people come and go. They leave, but the memories of them linger. I don't like fretting over things because in the larger picture, there are a ton of people in this world. The smallest things need to stop bringing me down, because it could be worse. Don told me that when people bring you down or cause you to feel an ounce of pain, feel sorry for them, and try to flip it on them so they realize they are at fault. Make them become better people instead of fueling the fire. He said "people look at me and see holes in my pants and assume things." But like I always say, "I may be holey, but God wants us all to be holy." :) That is the best thing I have heard today. I think that people are multi-dimentional and it is hard to find that one person in life that makes your heart go boom. When it happens you know. Until then, I guess we should just keep living strong, and appreciate one another. So everytime you see someone on the street, don't judge. Don't smirk or ignore. Make their day and stop and talk, because love spreads more so than hate and sadness. Spread love to yourself and to everyone around you....our days would be so much more enjoyable.


peace, love, and lullabies
lora.

i want to be like dr. seuss

never cry over...

Never cry over a mess

Never cry if you spill on your dress,

Never be upset when you fall in the street

Never show a frown with people you meet. 

Never take life seriously

Never look back,  always let it all be

Never stop imagining and always play

Never let one person ruin your day.

If you cry over spilled milk,

If you cry after spilling on your dress made of silk,

If you cry after falling down in the street

Then you are missing out and your life is not complete. 

saturday madness

Yesterday was great. I saw em finally! We did the usual...life talks for hours over lunch, walking up the lake, tripping over feathers, putting flowers in our hair, buying lots of accessories, drinking margs at our favorite restaurant. it was like summer never left.

Last night was a great way to end my weekend messiness. I am going home next weekend and starting my internship next week for serious. So, I needed a finale. Boy did I go out with a bang. Falling in the streets (I usually prefer dancing in the streets but whateves), cutting my leg, speaking gibberish, talking too much to the neighbors who now legit think I am a rehab shitshow, spending like 50 bucks on booze because I apparently think I am wealthy when I am drunk....great night.

I was reading my horoscope because why figure out my life myself when I can read about it?

I work tonight. I don't feel well...colds suck.

Homework tonight because I am a sup serious student.

lets not turn back and look down old roads, lets just be rebels without causes and push the pedal the medal on life. no looking back, just driving forward. 

so when do I get to go home? One week. perfect.

cant wait to leave.

cant wait to graduate.

cant wait to fly.

i try. i try. and i try.

i never give in

i never open up

i never trust.

when i do.....

i just get CRUSHED.


running away the pain.

thoughts and hearts they fade. away.

Running against the wind

Pushing so hard, feeling sinned

Feet flying fast and quick

Lungs pounding, feeling sick.

Miles and miles pass by

Clouds cover the sun and sky

Tides roll into the sand

Will you hold my hand?

Tired, restless and over it all

Waiting for the one call

Home is calling

Home will catch me as I'm falling

Overworked, Underslept

Tired, awake, feelings crept

I want the sun to come back

I want the summer to full on attack.

coloring is creative

I color you a picture.

I don't always stay in line.

You say its not creative.

Yet you keep it cause it was mine.

Hand in hand we walk

Laughing as we talk

In the rain, as there is a downpour

Holding me so tight I'm sore

Make breakfast at 6 o'clock

No sleep, we run on empty

Listening to the rain drip drop

Watching the clock hand tick tock

We sit in silence and reverie

Watching our computer screen

We're so "pretentious" you say

Nodding I laugh, "But I like it that way."

Untitled.

I fell into a rabbit hole,

I fell so fast it took its toll,

Wondering if the days would slow,

Down.

Jack of hearts and Queen of Spades

Come together then they fade

Will it ever be the same

Again?

Staring off into the space

Life is just a human race

I wonder if I'll ever manage to keep

Up.

Music is my saving grace

Listening to erase

Blocking thoughts from coming in,

Out.

Coffee black and its still cold

Everyone says "I told you so"

Will I ever be right just this,

Once?

Sleeping in and staying up 

Daylight and night corrupt

Fog rolls in and skies, like us, black

Out. 

Build my walls up there so high

I can't take another lie

Souls that have been broken seem to fade,

Away. 

Disbelief and pessimism

Sensor words like euphemisms 

Incorrect to be politically correct 

Now. 

Thoughts and hearts soon invade

If I could, I would trade

To be and live as Alice for just one more

Day.

future so bright i need to wear shades.

How much on top can one person be until they fall from greatness?

my biggest fear is falling.

I don't want to fall again for woven tales.

I am who I am and I won't ever change.  I speak my mind, say what I feel, like who I like, and if people don't like it...then they can find someone else.  I won't change myself for anyone. I'd rather be alone then change myself.  What is the point of acting like someone else, when being you is so great? Sometimes I am shallow and I am trying to fix that.  Sometimes I drink a lot and I am trying to tone it down...Sometimes I am irresponsible, lazy, and procrastinate but I am trying to do better...I am not changing for anyone.  But I will grow up eventually...and growing up is not changing...it is just a life change. 

thursday nights are my favorite nights now.

wednesdays should forever be sushi wednesdays with whitney.

saturdays after work should always be margarita mayhem.

school is coming first though. I bought my books today. the ball is rolling. 

Broken Pieces Come Together Like a Puzzle.

We shed what was left of our summer skin....


day 31 of my alcoholismmmmm....


I don't want this summer to close it's curtains. I don't want this show to be over. but there are things that make me so excited for this year. Today when Tim and I were getting ready we were playing M2M and going in between bedrooms looking at ourselves in mirrors, doing our hair, changing outfits 5 million times like my school schedule (which I just changed again tonight)

I am excited for parties, funk fridays, homework nights, going to work, coming home from work, a free UPASS, nannying and being childlike forever.

I am excited for girl talk november with mandi and timmy.
I am excited to go home september to visit ku and kstate...hey katie hey.

I am excited to see where things go from here with some certain people. I may seem uninterested but thats how I handle things.

I am excited for happy hour thursdays.

I am looking forward to trader joe trips with TIM
I am nervous for getting older.

I am sad that things end, but the fact that these new beginnings are just that...the beginning.....


I am excited for em to visit and I am excited for talking and catching up along the lake we walk by.

I cannot wait til I get to see my family.



AT WORK NOW and true story:

cabbed it here because busses decided not to show up...only had 6 dollars....cabby let me have it for that even though I was short 5 dollars, then he gave me a CTA train pass with 2 dollars on it to make sure I got home alright. thats what makes this world worth saving for..people like that.

flight of the tattoo...

New York was like Jackson Pollack sipping vodka and dripping paint onto a canvas...

Today I am finally going to get my second tattoo to accompany the first....a flying bird..

It is the bird that Edie Sedgwick doodled, the bird that reminds me of Lynard Skynard...the bird to represent freedom, breathing, letting go, doing things on my own, moving forward, and independence.

The bird I am getting is this pic..it symbolizes hope, new love, traveling great distances but always returning home, the coming of new happiness and spring, good luck....ancient egyptians believed they would carry our souls to heaven...when you feel lost they bring you back to happiness, hope and home. 

pretty right?

a new song.

I no longer think of the past. I move forward and live as if things never happened. I am free and wild and will fly like a bird into the future. I cannot wait until this year...my last year as a student.

Sitting by my windowpane
Looking up at the clear sky
Wishing my name were Penny Lane
Dreaming I were a little high

This last year til' I grow up
My last year til' I am no longer young
How much can I corrupt?
This smoke invades my lung.

Sleepless, reckless, living life.
Unchained, redeemed, my salvation.
Trying to let go of my past and strife
Stepping into the real world, leaving from the station.

Being me,
Being free.
Staying a child
Being wild.

I love to love
but am i loved?
I dream to dream
Does anyone here my scream?

Summer, Fall, Winter, Spring,
minutes evolve and days move fast
How can this be more than a fling?
Will this happiness last?

I have hope
I have a mission
I can cope
I can make the transition.

what happens when we grow up?

I just have the urge to run away

Pack little so I move more swift,

No final destination makes me sway,

No worries cause me to drift.

I just have the urge to drive away

Pack up my car and go,

Driving down a never-ending highway

Blaring my music and singing out the window

Being held down frightens me best

I just want to pack up and go go go

North, south, east or west

Wherever the wind shall blow..........

An Aquarius person is very two sided and I feel like that all the time. So here is a poem about myself according to the stars.

Sincerely, the stars.

by me.

Unemotional and Detatched.
Too involved, yet impersonal.
Daydreamer that floats above the world.
Honest and Loyal
Outgoing but shy
Appears confident, but feels ugly inside.
Head tilted, looking to the future
Regretting the past.
Eyes are dreamy and deep.
Two sides, Two faces.
Who do you want me to be?
Pulled in different directions, dizzies my insides.
Dont even have someone I can confide.
Need to release, breath and trust.
Too long since I cried.
Too much that I have lied.
Behind the veil, shows the bride.
But is she truly blushing?

Looking at the people passing by...

I decided to walk the 3.3 miles to work today. As I left my front door, I put on my Bob Dylan playlist and started walking. I love walking with my IPOD because it is the the soundtrack to my life in that moment. Once I walked to North Ave, a van full of cool looking hippie boys stopped me. A cute one asked for a quarter for the parking meter. I said, "I think it needs more than a quarter" and they all laughed and said they would exchange 25 cents for a giraffe finger puppet. This made me smile and I offered 50 cents. They kindly said no, and asked if I would go to the beach. I told them I had work as a nanny. They all smiled and we said our goodbyes, as the one yelled from far away "Have fun playing with kids all day." I turned back and smiled.

I continued to walk down Clark St. and as I was walking an older man with gray hair stopped me. He asked if I had any change to spare. I said no. But then I suddenly realized I had the 50 cents the boys declined a little while back. I turned and said it was all I had. He smiled, showing me only 2 teeth and walked away.

I kept walking to down Clark St and about to pass Dickens St, when my sandal tripped me and I lost my shoe in the middle of the intersection. As I stopped to put the sandal back on, a moving truck missed hitting me by what Em would call "one sidewalk block"...thanks daily tripping occurrences for saving my life.

I made it to Sheffield St. I looked both ways and saw a few boys on bikes riding towards me. They had the stop sign so I walked across the street. I turned back for a moment and caught eyes with one of the young guys on a bike. I turned away and kept walking for a split second and decided to turn back again. He and I locked eyes again and he waved at me while riding down Sheffield, until he was out of sight. I smiled at him and he smiled back and I kept moving.

Walking to work today opened my eyes to all the beauty in people and all th ebeuty in this city. I passed 2 record stores, 3 vintage shops, a bazillion ethnic restaurants, dogs being walked by owners, homeless people exchanging stories on the curbs with fellow homeless, one drug exchange between men and so much more. These walks I have make me realize I love life and all the adventures it brings....especially in Chicago.

peace, love, and desiderata,
lo.

Summer Days, Dreams and Desiderata.

Waking up like my life depended on it. I made my morning cup of coffee as if today were any normal day. I poured a bowl of Cheerios and ate a banana. I sat on the couch, listening to music as if today were any regular Wednesday. I sat, thinking about this day, secretly hoping Emily wouldn't wake up. It was 10 AM and I had 3 hours to go until I was to nanny an innocent 3 year old. Finally I called her. "Hello" she said groggily. I said "wakey wakey it is 10 AM" and she came out into the living room. We sat in silence until she said are we doing it. I said if you want to. Lets do it, she replied. So, we left, got on a bus and traveled to a place known as "the factory." We arrived, her in a pink sundress and me in a plaid shirt and white shorts. No one looked at us, no one asked us if we needed help. Everyone as doing their jobs. Finally, a man peered up from his design and said "can i help you?" We said we wanted writ tattoos and soon enough we were sitting in a chair with a man and a needle next to us. I griped Priya's hand and as the needle graced across my left wrist. It brought me back to when my stitches were removed after falling from a swing set and splitting my arm open. It hurt a little, but it also felt amazing. It felt liberating, exciting, dangerous, and serene. I looked at the black ink, being permanently scribbled into my skin and smiled. I made a decision and felt happy about it. For the first time in my life I wasn't having remorse or regret. I am living and the needle made me feel alive. I am addicted and want another. Desiderata. Desired in Latin. The title of my personal mantra and belief. The title of my favorite prose poem. Go placidly amidst the noise and haste. There is Peace in Silence.

Desired.


Stepping onto the 36,
Listening to Jagger's Forty Licks
I peacefully calmed down my nerves.
Thinking about the permanence.

Trying not to be on the fence,
I take a deep breathe.
My insides flip, my mind on a trip,
Is this the right choice?

Closing my eyes
I hum the tune
I start to sing,
But all I hear is a silent voice.

Driving down Clark,
The city passing,
People laughing,
I ask is Montrose next?

I close my eyes as we turn,
Wild Horses begins to burn,
He says, childhood living is easy to do,
Wild horses couldn't drag me away, and then I knew.

The line brings a smile to my face
And I'm Ready begins to play in its place
Montrose approaches and I step off
I turn to her and begin to scoff

The sign gets nearer
My heart sinks
The skyline becomes unclearer
I forget to blink.

Walking in
I sign my life away
Sitting down
White Rabbit starts to play

Like Gracie, Janice and all the rest
I feel as though I am possessed.
Like dead man walking
I am heading in undressed.

I hold her hand
I take a look
This permanent scribble
Writing a new chapter in my book.

The ink on my skin is beginning to stain
There is no pain.
The feeling of one million emotions running through my brain
Who ever said I was sane?

I am getting my first tattoo tomorrow....wow...big step...even momentum...but im not tooo scared...rather I am excited to have something that I love on me forever...a contract that I will live my life happily and full of joy...I am getting my favorite poem on my wrist...the title is in Latin and is "Desiderata" ...it means the desired thing and the poem was a hippie mantra in the 1960's...I am also getting a daisy (small) on the opposite wrist or next to the word because it is my favorite flower and makes me smile everyday...if i can get something permanently placed on me that will make me smile every day, then I will...happiness is something I aim for.

desiderata


i love it.