Friday, November 20, 2009

There is a girl, about my age, that comes to my work every afternoon, around 3pm and sits alone. She orders the same Chopped Salad and glass of Iced Tea. She always requests the table by the fireplace. Her name is Blair and she is fabulous.

There is an older woman, named Reggie who comes to my work every morning, Monday thru Friday for breakfast. She orders something different each time, but reads the same newspaper every morning. She sits for hours talking to the server that has her section. She holds herself up with a cane as she walks around. She always wears a different, brightly colored hat each time I see her. She is an artist. I want her to paint me a picture.

There is a couple that comes into my work every day around 11 AM. They are in their late thirties and are smokers. They sit at the bar and order vodka sodas while eating their breakfast. By the time they leave, they are wasted and utterly happy. I want to be their friends.

There is a man who comes into my work everyday numerous times to enjoy his vodka soda with lemon, at the bar. He is a hairstylist and make-up artist at a salon on Oak Street. We sit and gossip about the movie shoots he worked on, or the wedding he did for Oprah's producer. I want him to be my gay husband, but sadly he is taken.

There is a delivery guy that works at Goddess next door. His name is Leonardo, but he goes by Leo. He has the most amazing yellow bike that I want to steal. He took three years off from college, as an English Lit student and loves his current life. He lives in a loft above an art gallery on North and Milwaukee. He plays guitar among other instruments. He said he would love to give me free lessons. I would love to get anything free from him ;)

As a host, I get more than 10 dollars per hour. I get to interact with complete strangers everyday. I get to know regulars on a daily basis. I get to know my co-workers on more than a superficial level.


Life is just a giant question mark.....


I cannot wait to solve the riddle.

Friday, November 13, 2009

If you cannot see beyond the norm,
beyond the obvious,
If you judge because you are too insecure in your own skin,
too afraid to explore your own talents,
If you criticize others because of your own ignorance,
criticize what you just don't understand,
Then you are just like everyone else in this place
who can't see beyond whats in front of your face.


*art doesn't need to be judged.
art needs to be appreciated.*

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

just a twiggy twit who has absolutely no idea where her life is going and who really doesn't care.....


Are you alright, they ask?
"You look so pale."
I put my sunglasses on, smile and respond, "yeah"
returning to the sun to bask.




Monday, November 9, 2009

less than zero.

"Cover up those bruises,
with powder and blush.
Hide those cuts and scars,
that remind you of last night's bar.
Put on that fake facade
with a smile and a laugh,
Hide behind dark sunglasses
Hide behind your hats.
Lift those heavy eyes
Light another cigarette,
Because, you can disappear here
And not even know it."

Friday, November 6, 2009

Whenever lost.
Whenever wandering.
Look for the city lights.
Stay up into the daylight.
Rely on the streets.
Follow the poetic beats.
Save yourself.
You are the hero of your own story.


Monday, November 2, 2009

When life bears inspiration.
When inspiration leads to imagination.
When imagination sparks creativity.
When creativity becomes madness.
When madness is seen as beautiful...
Then you have found life.




Wednesday, October 14, 2009


in the tree house,
was when it began,
a dance party in dresses,
a summer without a plan.

and we'd be so free
walking this town,
happy alone,
happy and proud.


Wednesday, September 16, 2009

eternally happy with:

my new graduate school and the new faces I see.

my job when there is no drama

Halloween costume ideas.

Y Lime and Arol adventures.

summer tree house nights.

clubhouse nights with the hoops.

sleeping on couches.

true friends. real people.

family vacays.

brother's wedding.

vegetarianism.

my half marathon time: 2:09:30

my blog.

New York.

"cheers to being free of all the things that used to bring me down."

lets just put on some party dresses and go.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

"There's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I pour whiskey on him and inhale
cigarette smoke
and the whores and the bartenders
and the grocery clerks
never know that
he's
in there."

bukowski.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Why?
Justify?
You can't just seep into the sand
Pretend I understand.

I believed
in we.
Whatever.
Lets sever...

Life is too short
too sweet,
too uncertain.
I am just gonna close the curtain,
End the burden.

Good intentions,
Great sensations.
I just want to be me
days continued
without end.

Friday, April 24, 2009

i'm just a wild girl learning how to be lost.

such a mistake to want
clarity above all things.
whats
a single night, especially
one like this, now so close to ending?
on the other side, there could be anything,
all the joy in the world, the stars fading
the street light becoming a bus stop.

"leave it as messy as it is, with all the intimations of disclosure but also colored, with shades of idealism...
human beings are half mad, at their best."

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Raven

A raven sits on the windowsill
Gazing at the moon above
Humming the thoughts no one say
Dreaming of her only love.

She flies once the sun appears
She returns when the day fades
She keeps the secrets of the strangers she met
Only whispering to me their dreams and fears.

The raven has aged gracefully
Slower and silent, she forgets.
She no longer gazes at the moon above
She can no longer remember her only love.

Her feathers have fallen from the sill
Onto the ground where strangers pass.
The secrets of those that she once kept,
Have been washed away by tears wept.


Sunday, March 29, 2009

empty wall.

A week was filled with so much sorrow
Happiness is all I wanted to borrow.
I was buried so deep I could hardly see anyone.
out of the blue, it was all done.

Pain filled my stomach because I was sucker punched
trying to grasp for air,
unable to breathe 
I fought until tears filled with despair. 

recovery is something that only the strong can obtain
there is not a soul that I can blame,
it was me that brought this on
it was me that erased the lyrics from the once happy song.

A friend once said, 
'There is only so much that one can get hit with"
I have been hit once, twice, thrice
and I still stand undead

Coffee and cigs are what I really want
long convos and long nights  
done with the game, done with the hunt
not giving up the good fight.

aching, shaking, pale hands
slowing beat of my heart
buying myself a rainbow smile
moving on until we get a second start.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

As I shoot tequila with a lime,
he says, Maybe we can go sometime,
A three week curse keeps me on edge,
Up on my rooftop, walking the ledge.
Maybe we could I reply,
Breathing in deeply the night's sky.

Rewind all she did
Fast Forward to what she said
Stop when I fall fast
And pick up the pieces that make it last.


Tuesday, February 24, 2009



*****************************
I really just want to quit.
Nothing is making sense
Nothing seems to fit.

I want to finally open my lungs and scream
I want to feel excited and alive
I want to share in someone's dream.

I want to be turned upside down
I want my world to be rocked
Spontaneously living in another town.

I want to leave a part of me behind
Searching for something that may not ever be found.
Confident in my own mind.

*************************


Wednesday, February 4, 2009

As I pump my arms during a run,
I yearn to go farther.
faster.

As I open up a blank page,
I need to type thoughtful.
Inspiring.

As I stand in front of a bar,
I need to order a shot.
Tequilla.

As I think about the future,
I need to let it happen,
naturally.

I have adrenaline.
I have a momentum that keeps my head above the water.
I do not drown.

When all is said and done,
I know that I did not surrender,
I did not get brought down.
I fought against those that pushed me,
I am capable of success and I am capable of having my own,
future.

May 2009.
Here we all come.

(thats what she said) ;)

Monday, January 5, 2009

Dates to Ponder

Cabo San Lucas countdown: 1 week 4 days. One week until I am running on a beach and soaking up the sun in the best resort there...of course work will make me a slave from 1-7 pm..but I can deal.

Ryan and Lauren visit January 28th weekend... and stay with me in my closet. I would offer Whit's room, but with my coat and her in there, not so much room :)

Minneapolis..my birthday weekend. Seeing Stephen, bridesmaid dress shopping...

Feb 14th...my birthday celebration..a tad late.

March 3...New Orleans :) one week of ghosts, school touring, apartment searching, hurricane drinking, beignet eating, bookstore browsing fun...oh and replacing my taror cards...they were in an accident.

2 months til we are adults and free.........

tattoo tattoo tattoo I want you....(new song...likey?)