Waking up like my life depended on it. I made my morning cup of coffee as if today were any normal day. I poured a bowl of Cheerios and ate a banana. I sat on the couch, listening to music as if today were any regular Wednesday. I sat, thinking about this day, secretly hoping Emily wouldn't wake up. It was 10 AM and I had 3 hours to go until I was to nanny an innocent 3 year old. Finally I called her. "Hello" she said groggily. I said "wakey wakey it is 10 AM" and she came out into the living room. We sat in silence until she said are we doing it. I said if you want to. Lets do it, she replied. So, we left, got on a bus and traveled to a place known as "the factory." We arrived, her in a pink sundress and me in a plaid shirt and white shorts. No one looked at us, no one asked us if we needed help. Everyone as doing their jobs. Finally, a man peered up from his design and said "can i help you?" We said we wanted writ tattoos and soon enough we were sitting in a chair with a man and a needle next to us. I griped Priya's hand and as the needle graced across my left wrist. It brought me back to when my stitches were removed after falling from a swing set and splitting my arm open. It hurt a little, but it also felt amazing. It felt liberating, exciting, dangerous, and serene. I looked at the black ink, being permanently scribbled into my skin and smiled. I made a decision and felt happy about it. For the first time in my life I wasn't having remorse or regret. I am living and the needle made me feel alive. I am addicted and want another. Desiderata. Desired in Latin. The title of my personal mantra and belief. The title of my favorite prose poem. Go placidly amidst the noise and haste. There is Peace in Silence.
Desired.
Stepping onto the 36,
Listening to Jagger's Forty Licks
I peacefully calmed down my nerves.
Thinking about the permanence.
Trying not to be on the fence,
I take a deep breathe.
My insides flip, my mind on a trip,
Is this the right choice?
Closing my eyes
I hum the tune
I start to sing,
But all I hear is a silent voice.
Driving down Clark,
The city passing,
People laughing,
I ask is Montrose next?
I close my eyes as we turn,
Wild Horses begins to burn,
He says, childhood living is easy to do,
Wild horses couldn't drag me away, and then I knew.
The line brings a smile to my face
And I'm Ready begins to play in its place
Montrose approaches and I step off
I turn to her and begin to scoff
The sign gets nearer
My heart sinks
The skyline becomes unclearer
I forget to blink.
Walking in
I sign my life away
Sitting down
White Rabbit starts to play
Like Gracie, Janice and all the rest
I feel as though I am possessed.
Like dead man walking
I am heading in undressed.
I hold her hand
I take a look
This permanent scribble
Writing a new chapter in my book.
The ink on my skin is beginning to stain
There is no pain.
The feeling of one million emotions running through my brain
Who ever said I was sane?
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