"There's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I pour whiskey on him and inhale
cigarette smoke
and the whores and the bartenders
and the grocery clerks
never know that

he's

in there."

bukowski.

Why?
Justify?
You can't just seep into the sand
Pretend I understand.

I believed
in we.
Whatever.
Lets sever...

Life is too short
too sweet,
too uncertain.
I am just gonna close the curtain,
End the burden.

Good intentions,
Great sensations.
I just want to be me
days continued
without end.

i'm just a wild girl learning how to be lost.

such a mistake to want
clarity above all things.
whats a single night, especially
one like this, now so close to ending?
on the other side, there could be anything,
all the joy in the world, the stars fading
the street light becoming a bus stop.

"leave it as messy as it is, with all the intimations of disclosure but also colored, with shades of idealism...
human beings are half mad, at their best."

Raven

A raven sits on the windowsill
Gazing at the moon above
Humming the thoughts no one say
Dreaming of her only love.

She flies once the sun appears
She returns when the day fades
She keeps the secrets of the strangers she met
Only whispering to me their dreams and fears.

The raven has aged gracefully
Slower and silent, she forgets.
She no longer gazes at the moon above
She can no longer remember her only love.

Her feathers have fallen from the sill
Onto the ground where strangers pass.
The secrets of those that she once kept,
Have been washed away by tears wept.

empty wall.

A week was filled with so much sorrow

Happiness is all I wanted to borrow.

I was buried so deep I could hardly see anyone.

out of the blue, it was all done.

Pain filled my stomach because I was sucker punched

trying to grasp for air,

unable to breathe 

I fought until tears filled with despair. 

recovery is something that only the strong can obtain

there is not a soul that I can blame,

it was me that brought this on

it was me that erased the lyrics from the once happy song.

A friend once said, 

'There is only so much that one can get hit with"

I have been hit once, twice, thrice

and I still stand undead

Coffee and cigs are what I really want

long convos and long nights  

done with the game, done with the hunt

not giving up the good fight.

aching, shaking, pale hands

slowing beat of my heart

buying myself a rainbow smile

moving on until we get a second start.

As I shoot tequila with a lime,
he says, Maybe we can go sometime,
A three week curse keeps me on edge,
Up on my rooftop, walking the ledge.
Maybe we could I reply,
Breathing in deeply the night's sky.

Rewind all she did
Fast Forward to what she said
Stop when I fall fast
And pick up the pieces that make it last.

*****************************
I really just want to quit.
Nothing is making sense
Nothing seems to fit.

I want to finally open my lungs and scream
I want to feel excited and alive
I want to share in someone's dream.

I want to be turned upside down
I want my world to be rocked
Spontaneously living in another town.

I want to leave a part of me behind
Searching for something that may not ever be found.
Confident in my own mind.

*************************